Craziness at Yamaku High
by Roxius
Summary: A series of crazy little Katawa Shoujo drabbles I've written over the course of time all put into one fic. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Katawa Shoujo.

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"Good morning, Hisao-kun!" Lilly called out from behind as Hisao was making his way to class that morning. How did she know that it was Hisao, though? That's a story for another day.

"Oh, good morning, Lilly-" Hisao was instantly cut off when he realized that Lilly was flipping him the middle finger.

'...HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGHHH!!!!'

Lilly cocked her head to the side. "...Hisao-kun? Is everything alright?"

"Uh..." Hisao wasn't really sure how to respond; why the hell was Lilly giving him the finger? Wasn't she supposed to be a prim and proper kind of girl? What was the world coming to? Had Satan stolen his soul and cast it to some parallel dimension where wrong is right and right is wrong? It was all so confusing!!!

"Hisao-kun, why aren't you answering me?!"

Hisao immediately snapped back to reality. "Ah...ah...s-sorry, Lilly...I was just...just so shocked for a moment there..."

"...Why?"

"You're...you're giving me the middle finger..."

Lilly gasped in horror, and then flames literally burst out of the ground as her rage reached maximum level. "W-WHAT?!! ...OH, THAT LITTLE BITCH HANAKO-CHAN TRICKED ME AGAIN!!!"

Hisao raised an eyebrow and grinned. '...AGAIN? Heh...that's kinky...'

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Hisao Nakai couldn't keep the grin off of his face. This was it. He and Hanako were finally going to have sex for the very first time. He had worked long and hard to get to this point, but he had finally made it. He had...arrived.

FINAL DESTINATION!!!!

"...A-A-Are you r-ready, Hisao-kun...?" Hanako asked, as she unbuttoned the first button on her nightshirt.

Hisao nodded his head, and a trail of drool trickled slowly down his chin. "Yeah...I'm definitely ready for this, Hanako-chan..."

Hanako smiled, and immediately unbuttoned the rest of her shirt, and tossed it carelessly over her shoulder. All she had on left was a white laced bra and a very skimpy pair of panties. Drawing his eyes to Hanako's crotch area, Hisao suddenly noticed something rather strange...

...what was up with that large, pointy bulge?

'Uh...' Hisao scratched his head in confusion. Hanako cocked her head slightly to the side; she was waiting for him to pounce on her.

That was when it came to him. 'Oh! That's a p-'

"HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGHHH!!!!!"

Hisao collapsed onto the floor, and Hanako's boner was officially killed.

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"...MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

Misha spun around in response just in time to see Hisao reach out, and grab tightly onto both of her "drills". Shizune would have cried out loud had she not been cursed with being both deaf and mute since birth.

"...THEY'RE MINE!!!" Hisao roared, pulling with all of his might. He had the look of a madman in his eyes.

"Ahhh!!" Misha screamed, tears flowing down her cheeks, "S...Stop it, Hiichan...!!!!"

A loud tearing sound filled the air, and Hisao was now clutching both of Misha's drills in his hands. Misha herself simply stood in place, looking totally traumatized. Shizune opened her mouth in a voiceless scream.

"Ha ha ha..." Hisao chuckled, "I knew...I KNEW they were fake!!"

Suddenly, a spray of blood burst from Misha's mouth, drenching both Hisao and Shizune in the crimson liquid. The pink-haired girl then toppled backwards onto the floor, and slowly shrank until she was about a fifth of her original size. It was Hisao's turn to be traumatized now.

Shizune gasped again, and quickly made hand signs. 'Hisao, you idiot! Those drills are Misha's lifeline! Put them back on now! Now! Quickly! Before she dies...!!!'

Hisao could do nothing but stare with his mouth agape as Misha's body continued to shrivel up like a prune...

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"...You shouldn't have chosen Lilly over me, Hisao..."

Hisao let out a gasp as he spun around to see Hanako standing in the doorway. He had never seen her look so vividly pissed before. It was both frightening and alluring at the same time. Clutching at his chest, Hisao took a single step back.

"I'm...I'm sorry, Hanako-chan," Hisao said, his voice shaking, "B-But...I do love Lilly...you're just a very good friend...I'm sorry if I hurt you..."

"Oh...you DID hurt me...don't worry about that," Hanako took a step closer, and Hisao took another step back. He suddenly hit up against a counter. He was trapped now; his only way out being blocked by a very peeved cripple girl.

"I'll punish you for not choosing me," Slowly, Hanako raised her hand up to her face, and brushed back the hair that was covering her right eye. What Hisao saw next both shocked and disturbed him.

Hanako...possessed the Mangekyo Sharingan in her right eye.

"NOW...DIE!!!!" Hanako exclaimed, and an eruption of black flames burst out of her eye, setting Hisao ablaze.

Hisao died soon after, and Hanako set off to dispose of Lilly in the same manner...

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Hisao had nothing better to do, so he snuck into Kenji's room while the bespectacled boy was sleeping, and drew a small lightning bolt on his forehead with a permanent marker.

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Hisao had just stepped out of the shower when Kenji suddenly burst into the bathroom, completely nude except for a pale-green leaf covering his crotch. Hisao sighed; why did this have to happen AGAIN?

"Hisao!" Kenji called, looking around wildly, "Are you in here?! Hisao?!!"

"I'm right here, Kenji..." Hisao sighed.

"Ah! There you are!" Kenji wiped his forehead, as if to appear relieved, "Listen, Hisao, how much money do you have on you right now...?"

Hisao thought for a moment. "About 5000 yen. Why?"

"I need to borrow some so I can buy a pizza for me and the turtle men living in my bedroom!!!" Kenji exclaimed in total seriousness.

For a moment, Hisao contemplated jumping out the window just to escape this psycho.

"...What?"

"They're really hungry, Hisao! So am I! Hurry up!!!" Kenji snapped.

"Kenji, I'm not going to give you-"

Suddenly, four turtle men carrying ninja weapons entered the bathroom. They certainly looked rather hungry.

Turning to them, Kenji shook his head and said, "Sorry, guys...he ain't payin'..."

Hisao then proceeded to have a major heart attack. "HNNNNNNNNGHHHHH!!!"

"EH?! EH?!! HEY, HISAO...DON'T FALL ASLEEP ON ME NOW!!!" Kenji shouted, kicking Hisao in the ribs.

That didn't help Hisao any.

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"Are you ready...Hanako-chan?" Rin asked as she leaned her back up against the wall and held out her bare feet in front of the purple-haired girl's face.

Hanako closed her eyes, her cheeks glowing bright red, and she nodded. "Y...Yes...I've...I've wanted to do this for a w-while..."

"Do it then..."

Hanako pressed her lips gently against the sole of Rin's right foot. She kissed it at least three times before she brought out her tongue. Unlike most people, who would probably become very ticklish from having their feet licked, Rin remained perfectly calm. Hanako moved her tongue from the sole slowly upwards past Rin's blisters, where she sucked gingerly on each and every toe for at least fifteen seconds total. Rin cringed a bit and a blush formed on her pale cheeks, but she still said nothing.

"Mmm...mmm..." Hanako was breathing heavily as she pulled Rin's big toe out of her mouth. Rin's entire foot was now drenched in sticky, wet saliva. Hanako was almost about ready to go back down for another go when Rin suddenly smashed their lips together in a passionate kiss.

"Ahh...but...but I just licked your foot...kissing so soon like this...isn't that really u-u-unsanitary...?"

"Heh...that's what makes it so erotic...don't you play eroges, Hanako-chan?"

"N-No..."

"Hmm...I don't either..."

"W-WHAT?!!"

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Every morning upon waking up, Hanako would glance at the trophy shelf her mother had made for her several years ago. Why she had gone and made something so irrational was a mystery, so Hanako kept it for the mere sake of showing her mother that she was thinking about her. One would think that this trophy shelf would be obviously barren, but surprisingly, that was not so. There was single trophy present, yet it was one that made Hanako feel sick to her stomach every time she looked at it.

It was the trophy for coming first place in the pie-eating contest last year.

'...If Hisao ever comes into my room, I better make sure to hide that damn thing...' Hanako thought to herself.

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"You like your coffee hot, right, Hisao?" Kenji asked one day out of the blue.

Hisao nodded. "Yeah, of course...so what?"

"Heh...it's just like Grand Theft Auto!!"

"...WHAT?!!"

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During the middle of class, and completely bored out of his mind, Hisao began to think of some very strange things.

'...I wonder what Hanako-chan would be like if she was tsundere?'

Suddenly, an image formed in his mind of Hanako looking all cute and nervous while saying "Go to hell, please" under her breath.

He nearly died when his 'moe-meter' nearly went off the scale from the overdose of accumulated moe. "HNNNNNNNGHHHH!!!"

"Dammit, Hisao! Not again!!!" Muto cursed under his breath.

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Hisao ran up to Emi while she was taking a break from running. "Hey, Emi!"

"Yeah, Hisao?" Emi asked, smiling widely.

Hisao paused for a moment, then he turned around and walked away.

"Nope...I can't think of anything funny regarding you right now...sorry for bothering you..."

Emi had no idea what he was talking about.

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Hisao - "Shizune should definitely try out for American Idol!!"

Misha - "...Oh, that was mean, Hiichan..."

Hisao - "What? If Simon Cowell can't appreciate a good rendition of Lady Gaga's 'Poker Face' in sign language, then this world holds no purpose to me, dammit!!!"

Misha - "...I would ask if I could have whatever you're taking, but I'm probably already taking it..."

Hisao - "HA HA HAAAAAAH~!!!"

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Hisao - "Hey, Hanako-chan, how are you - wait, why do you have a pair of Lilly's panties on your head and wearing her bra over your eyes?"

Hanako - "Uh...uh...uh...I'm...I'm checking them for stains...?"

Hisao - "...Huh...keep up the good work!"

Hanako - "OH, I WILL."

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Out back behind the main school building...

"H-Hisao-kun...I'm...I'm sorry, but...I can't like you as more than a f-friend...I-I'm really sorry..."

Hisao Nakai was utterly crushed. After so many weeks of preparation and mental strengthening, he was certain that he would finally win over Hanako Ikezawa's heart when he asked her to be his girlfriend that very night. Instead...this was the ending he had received in response to all of his troubles.

"W...Why? Hanako-chan...why...why can't you love me like I love you...?" Hisao could barely speak; his throat felt so dry, and his mouth struggled to move. For a moment, he was worried that his heart would just shut down due to premature shock. Everything around him was slowly fading to black.

Hanako pressed a knuckle to her mouth. "I...I can't tell you..."

"Is it...is it another man? Do you love another man?!" Hisao asked, praying to God that it wasn't so. Thankfully, Hanako shook her head.

"It's...It's something else...something...I can't say...it's too embarrassing..."

Hisao was not satisfied with such an ambiguous answer. Grabbing the purple-haired girl by the shoulders, which caused her to let out a tiny shriek of surprise, Hisao leaned close to her scarred face and hissed, "Tell me, Hanako-chan...why won't you date me? Please...just tell me that much, and I promise I'll leave you alone forever...I want to know...that's all I ask..."

"H-Hisao-kun...I don't want you to leave me alone...I...I like being friends with you...but...but the reason I can't love you is...is...is...is very s-simple..."

"Tell me..."

"...It's because...I only like g-girls..." Hanako closed her eyes, and her entire face began to glow brightly as her most precious secret came to light.

Hisao stared deeply into Hanako's amethyst eyes, then at her breasts, then back at her face again. "...What?"

"I'm...I'm a l-l-lesbian, Hisao-kun..." Hanako admitted. She looked like she was about to start crying. She was fully prepared to accept whatever beat-down or verbal abuse Hisao was going to throw at her for having such "disgusting, homosexual tendencies". She figured she deserved at least that much for breaking the poor boy's heart.

Instead, much to Hanako's surprise, a big smile broke out on Hisao's lips. "Hanako-chan...THAT'S GREAT NEWS!!!!"

"W-WHAT?!!" Hanako had no idea what the hell was going on. She was a little frightened by Hisao's menacing smile, to tell the truth.

"Oh my God, am I relieved!" Hisao wiped the sweat from his brow, "For a moment there, I was afraid it would be something related to me! Oh man...oh Jesus...if it had been another guy, or because you just thought of me as a friend and you couldn't date a friend, I would be totally crushed, but...the fact you're a lesbian means I never stood a snowball in hell's chance in the first place! Phew! It's sometimes better to have stood no chance than any chance at all!!!"

"Uh...r-right..." Hanako nodded her head slowly. She didn't know whether this guy was going insane or what.

"So...if you're a lesbian," Hisao grinned from ear to ear as he jokingly nudged Hanako in the rib, "I guess that means...you wanna fuck a girl, right? Chew some carpet? Bump the tacos? Shuffle the Velcro? Toss the salad? Gonna eat out tonight? Scissor me Timbers? Wear a strap-on 24/7? Go down to the gay bar and pick up some fine ladies? Gonna shave your head, get fat, and drive a truck?"

Hanako buried her face in her hands. "P...Please don't say things like t-that...it's m-m-mortifying...you're being...very weird, Hisao-kun..."

"Sorry, sorry! I'm just...I'm just so happy!!!" Hisao pulled Hanako into a tight hug and squeezed, "It's like you're one of us guys now!! YOU'RE MY NAKAMA! We'll have manly picnics together! Just wine and pretzels! You, me and Kenji! We'll talk about panties, and dildos, and scissoring, and all that shit! It'll be great!!!"

Hanako's face fell in horror. 'OH MY GOD...I SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID I'LL DATE HIM...'

Hisao was definitely feeling that warm, fuzzy 'special feeling' right now...

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"HNNNNNNNNNNGH!!!" Hisao threw his head back and roared as his body was enveloped in a golden light.

Misha, wearing the traditional saiyan armor, turned to Shizune and quickly signed, 'Shizune...what does the scouter say about his power level?'

Shizune tapped the rim of her glasses, and a series of numbers sprung up on the lenses. Her mouth falling agape, she fought hard to keep her anger steady as she signed, 'IT'S OVER 9000!!!!' She pulled off her glasses and crushed them in her hand.

'WHAT?!! OVER 9000?!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!' Misha signed back, utterly horrified.

Hisao just waited patiently for them to finish their little conversation.

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"Cheer up, emo kid!"

Hanako glanced up from her book and saw Misha beaming down at her. "W...What?!"

"You can't be sullen and downcast all the time!" Misha exclaimed, "It's a beautiful day, and you're young and healthy! I don't see why you always have to keep to yourself and read in the library all the time, Haachan!!"

"I...I'm afraid of being seen...with my hideous face..." Hanako whimpered.

"Oh, come on! The scars are barely noticeable! Besides...think about it! At least you have both arms and legs! At least you still have both your ears! At least you still have both your eyes! Not everyone is as lucky as you after surviving a serious injury! So...put a smile on that pretty little face of yours!"

"I...I can't..."

"Fine! Then...I'LL HELP YOU!! WA HA HA HA HA~" Misha suddenly pounced upon the purple-haired girl, and began pulling on Hanako's cheeks in order to force a smile onto her face. It was surprisingly rubbery...

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The first time Rin ever saw Emi and her prosthetic legs, only one thought entered her mind:

'Oh, that is SO fuckin' unfair...'

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Hanako Ikezawa wasn't sure how she had ended up on the roof with Hisao and Kenji to have a 'manly picnic', yet here she was. What Hisao had said to convince Kenji to not suspect Hanako as being a member of the feminist agenda was left unanswered. He did seem pretty friendly though, despite being a bespectacled little twit.

"Um..." Hanako stared at the half-empty bottle of booze in Kenji's hand, "We...we're not even o-old enough to d-drink, you know...and where did you g-get this anyway...?"

"Meh. My mom didn't have time to visit me, so she sent me a malt as an apology present!" Kenji spoke up, grinning. He had told Hisao the same thing earlier that year, too.

Hanako didn't believe a word of it.

"So, Hanako," Hisao chuckled, breathing heavily, "Are there any GIRLS here that strike your fancy...?"

A deep blush formed on Hanako's cheeks as she thought about the girl who had stolen her heart. "It's...it's Lilly..."

Hisao looked disappointed. "What? Really? But...but that's so uninteresting! At least have it be Emi or something! I wanna see a lesbian-sex scandal!!!" He snapped. He was really determined about this.

"S-S-Sorry...it's definitely L-Lilly..." Hanako replied.

"Dammit!!!"

Kenji took a long swig of beer. "Ahh...so, you gonna confess to her yet?"

"N-N-No!!! of course not!!!" Hanako cried, waving her hands erratically, "She's...she's a wonderful, beautiful refined young lady...and I'm...and I'm a shy ugly dyke..."

Hisao shook his head, and placed a comforting hand on Hanako's shoulder. "Hanako...shy ugly dykes only exist in real life. This is a Visual Novel, and we're just a bunch of well-drawn 2-D pictures that can communicate only through text boxes. Even someone with a hideous burn like you can look like a 20-dollar porn star thanks to skillful artists!! I bet you're already really popular with the fans of the game, despite the full version not even being out yet!!!"

"Ah, y-you're ri - wait, what?!!"

"Here, eat a pretzel." Before Hanako could inquire any further, Hisao had stuffed a large pretzel into her mouth.

"By the way," Kenji suddenly spoke up, "I was wondering, Hisao...would you fuck my cousin for me? She's always complaining about being the only virgin in her class at her school...it's really been bothering my parents, who have to take care of her while her parents are on vacation..."

"...What's she look like?" Hisao asked.

Kenji reached into his pocket, and pulled out a picture. It was a photo of Iwanako. Hisao's heart stopped.

"...DEAR LORD..." Hisao collapsed to the floor a few seconds later.

Hanako then looked at the picture. "...I-I'll do her..."

"SUCCESS!!!" Kenji gave an over-dramatic thumbs up and a gleaming smile that would make Naruto jealous.


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